project: happy

turn that frown upside down

Where's my sign?
I'm feeling lost right now. I wish I knew how to find my way, but I guess that would require me to figure out where I'm going. How do you do such a thing? Can you truly map out your life?

I feel like I'm drifting, and I'm not ready for that yet. My life is off--so far off course right now.

I guess I shouldn't post this publicly. Sigh, I just need to find something to focus on, but there's so many things to choose from that it is becoming more and more difficult every day. I haven't learned to juggle, yet.

Sometimes you wish there was a sign with big, bright flashing twinkly lights surrounding the arrow pointing down at you saying 'This is it, this is the right one!'

(no subject)
I moved in this week and I hate my house. I hate it here, and I think it's because it doesn't feel familiar and it's just me all the time. I wish I was closer to my parents. I wish I didn't move at all. I wish I could sell the place and just start over. I don't feel safe, and I don't like it at all. I haven't cried this much in a long time.

I don't know how to get through this.

note to self.
dear self-

stop feeling sorry for yourself. you *will* use your degree. you *will* get out of technical support and you *are* good enough to do whatever it is you want to do. You *will* be a systems analyst. You will play with super cute amazing data from hugenormous data warehouses. You will, you'll see. Just be patient, keep applying. Keep your eyes open and a smile on your face. Keep learning, keep doing, don't give up.

You'll make it.

future me. (with a master's degree : D )

Houses houses.
The worst part about being a homeowner is looking at other houses and wondering if they could've been yours. I really need to stop looking at and the like.

I just hope I made the right choice with the house I have.


Ahh. Finally relaxing, a bit.
I'm starting to move in this weekend. It's also my 24th birthday and I *finally* have a 3 day weekend. I haven't been up to very much, I need to figure out a hobby, or at least something to talk about. I'm kinda horrible at conversations :s

I went to a 'pure romance' party hosted by one of my best friends in elementary school. It was very interesting, not really the sex-toy party portion (been to one of those before) but just doing it with her was interesting. It was really nice to see her again but slightly awkward just cause I didn't have anything to say. I've been lost for words lately cause I've been not getting out much. I miss doing things on the weekends not related to the house.

I'm excited to get in the house and just used to stuff.

long overdue update.
I'm now a college graduate and a homeowner. I'm in the process of finding another job while trying to improve at my current one.

I'm trying to use all my new found free time to improve myself. MSDN is my friend, and I'm reading more and trying to find a way to be more productive and less stressed.

I still haven't moved into my house, but it's in the last stages of needing work so soon I'll be able to move in. Houses are expensive :)

I'm proud of myself but other people seem more proud than I do :s it's kind of strange.

Canada, I love you.
I love the best years. Thanks, Canadian TV.

Incredibly bummed right now--just not in a good mood. I wish I had friends--just friends that's all I want. Sometimes facebook makes me sad. Now I have 72 people--99% of them I actually know, and I don't do enough to keep in touch with them. So, I suppose it is entirely my fault when I feel friendsless and alone.

Complaining is entirely unbecoming, but I don't know how to fix the situation. My life in its entirety is everything I'd dreamed of, I've accomplished so much and yet I'm lacking in the simplest of areas. I have a tendency to alienate those who are not currently nearby--and so now I'm alone. I suppose it is all my fault.

I just don't know how to fix it.

Not sure how to title this.
So, have you ever seen people that you wish you could emulate?

For example, I'm drawn to people who are artistic and embody freedom and peace and calm in their life. Often they practice meditation, listen to unknown musical artists, shop at thrift stores, do web design, graphic art, etc. They seem simple and fun and relaxed.

I guess I don't know what I am. Probably boring, uptight and ordinary.

I guess I'm unsure how to break away from my fear and start discovering who I am, and who I want to be. I just don't know how to throw myself 100% into things without feeling a fear of not belonging, or failing.

I am also so completely overwhelmed in the ongoing task to finish the house off right. First, money is tight, which is fun to deal with on it's own. Secondly, I have no idea whatsoever what color scheme or furniture or style I want in my house. I need the space to be calm, and unique, I don't want it to look like it all came from IKEA. I'm just interested in so many different things it's hard to narrow down what exactly I like.

it's like I feel cluttered, everywhere.

(no subject)
So, LJ people how are we all doing today? I haven't bothered to really update this too much since this school semester started, so we'll start from the beginning. Recaps are always lovely, right?
My name is Kim and I'm part of LJ Neglector's Anonymous [Hi, Kim!]

I'll try to recap in somewhat chronological order:

-started final semester of school in January [woo hoo]
-started looking for a house around then as well 
-started internship with PHXFD [sorry, no hot firefighter pictures, I apologize, I work in a cubicle]
-in the middle of buying a house 
-graduate in May [WOO HOO!]

So, now that you're done with the overview, I'm pretty amazingly happy overall.  It's insane and I love it.  :]

I'm absolutely terrified of living on my own, but there's some kind of excitement that comes from being uncertain of how things will turn out.  It's  terrifying, frustrating and exciting at the same time.  I am cautious of the job market at this point in time, as I am fortunate to be employed but would really enjoy doing something that matched my degree a bit better.  The internship with the fire department has been such a positive impact on my life in general and my career path as a whole.  I am so glad to know the people I do there, they've been immensely positive and helpful and I will have the confidence to get myself out of Technical Support and into a real career because of them.  I didn't realize I was even marketable in this field until I had met them and realized I *was* smart enough and capable enough to succeed in information technology.  I hope to pursue a career in Data Analysis or Data Mining in the future, and hope I have the ability to be as influential to someone else as my boss has been to me.  

Also, the freakin' PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES is my freakin' COMMENCEMENT SPEAKER.  Perhaps I can thank him for making it possible for me to fulfill one of my life long dreams at such a young age (and invite him to dinner, while I'm at it).  

Details on the house:  3 bed/ 2 bath 2 car garage 2 story house in an HOA (kinda bummer but ohwell) on Northwest Phoenix/Glendale border.  Backyard big enough for my TRAMPOLINE!  [always wanted a big 14 ft one since I can remember]

It's so crazy this is all happening so fast, it's like a culmination of so many years of hard work to get to this point.  By the end of May I'll have a new house and a degree in Computer Science.  Both things I would've thought impossible a few years ago.  

I feel so absolutely blessed and privelliged to be so fortunate in my life and I plan on doing whatever I can to pay it forward.  

...also I need to find some tutorials on ASP.NET and SSIS/SSAS.  Yay!  

Hope everyone's lives are wonderful as well <3 

how do you use twitter? what's the point of it? everyone seems to be using it now and I don't quite know why or what it's for?

Someone, explain please?

so, how do you use twitter?